Looking for a new and exciting way to to get closer with your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day? Try the trendiest and most fail-proof method of couple’s therapy: suicide pacts! They’re a great way to build trust and settle those pesky commitment issues. Check out our three most romantic suicide pacts of all time to get in the mood. Your relationship will never be the same.
1. Romeo and Juliet
This somewhat accidental suicide pact is sure to bring the spontaneity back into your love life! For extra role-playing fun, bribe a priest to poison you.
2. Hitler and Eva Braun
Want to really get naughty this Valentine’s Day? Reenact the double suicide of history’s kinkiest couple. Get ready to put the sigh in cyanide!
3. Max and Helene Linder
This lesser-known suicide pact is perfect for hipster couples, but it’ll work just as well for you cliché lovebirds, too! Max and Helene didn’t exactly “complete” their first suicide attempt, so they made sure to get it right during round two. To recreate their most intimate moment, down 10 sexy shots of Veronal, shoot up some seductive morphine, and tantalizingly slit your wrists. This three-step method is guaranteed to leave you both satisfied for life.
The Followers of Jim Jones
Why have some expensive mixed drink at a bar filled with sweaty, dirty people, when you can simply fly to Guyana and “drink the Kool-Aid!” If you’re the kind of person who’s into polygamy, easily persuaded by men claiming to be the reincarnation of Jesus, and don’t mind those sweltering African Summers, this neat trick might be just the thing.
Japanese WWII Kamikaze Fighters
f you and your hubby are the more adventurous type, why not try a booze-cruise at 600 mph into the side of an American battle-ship! Leave this world in a stylish 40’s era Japanese fighter plane, piloted by an unskilled but desperate member of Japan’s lower class, possessed by his family’s dishonorable reputation to avenge the death of his brothers and regain the homeland from those Fascist American Pig-Dogs! It’s the far-east getaway for the kind of couple who want to honor their ancestors, and have a good time too!
Give these foolproof tips a try if you’re looking for a killer V-Day. Which one worked best for you? Let us know in the comments section below!