Op Ed: Ty Pennington Can Move My Bus-sy Anyday

Ty Pennington, famous for his killer body and for his run as the star of PBS’s erotic

drama, “Extreme Makeover Home Edition”, is constantly moving buses but when will he move

this bussy???

The year was 1998. A man visited me in a dream. The five foot, eleven inches tall figure

whispered, “move that bus” sensually into my ear. I remember feeling the grizzly embrace of his soul patch on my cheek. We then made rigorous love for what felt like a lifetime. Every Time he reached climax, he would yell out his famous call to that lucky, lucky bus. I awoke and was lost for years. Longing to find the soul patch my heart was missing.

Then 2003 came. The year I found him. I stared at the screen as if I had found a piece of

me I thought was forever missing. I had to find him, I had to taste him again.

After the GOP’s letter writing campaign in 2011, Pennington’s silence was deafening.

Eleven of the administration’s highest paid interns spent 6 weeks pleading to him to consider

the benefits of moving this bussy. It was all in vain. It soon became clear that he didn’t care that my asshole was “Bazooka #ad bubblegum pink” or that my “bussy puckered every time it heard his raspy baritone growl.”

The torture, of week after week, hearing him call out to the bus in such a way that left me

inconsolable and drove me wild, was truly unbearable. I wanted so badly to be that bus. I

needed to pop my bussy for him. My bussy has started to control the rest of my body. She is

slowly taking over. I have no control over her. She’s hungry and on the prowl. If Pennington

doesn’t act fast, my bussy will become a matter of national security.

Ty, baby, it’s now or never. Come move this bussy before its too late.