Thank Gad: How My Life Has Changed Since the Brave Portrayal of Gay Lefou

Gay Rights are sweeping the nation. From the legalization of Gay Marriage in the US in 2015, to the decriminalization of gay sex in India this past September, it is clear that the pride parade across the globe is unstoppable. But the most important gay ally in this trend is none other than the greatest children’s entertainment corporation: Disney.

As you may know, Disney released a live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast, a heartwarming tale of a book-smart Belle falling in love with an ugly beast. However, this new movie included a fresh modern twist: LeFou, the villain Gaston’s silly sidekick portrayed by Josh Gad, was GAY.

And EXPLICITLY so: for less than a single second, he danced with a man.

When I first saw this celebration of homosexuality in theaters, the crowd burst into uproarious applause. Grown men were reduced to tears. Rainbows shot out from everybody’s palms, and every wig burned up to a crisp.

I know what you must be thinking: I can’t believe how brave Disney is! Well, me neither! For such a large, wealthy, and powerful company to take a risk like that must have taken a lot of guts. Gay people can be quite undesirable these days.

Now, over one year since the release of this movie, my whole worldview has changed. As a fellow Gay, I no longer fear holding my spouse’s hand in public. Anytime I doubt whether its safe to show some same-sex affection, I just remember that Beauty and the Beast grossed $1.3 billion. Public opinion has changed, and homophobia is over!

Overall, I am just so thankful for the representation. Not many people are exposed to the vibrant and colorful experiences of the LBGT+ community, and thanks to a brief reference, I feel visible.  

Local Man Says Wonder Woman Was Just “okay”, Gets Stabbed in the Neck with a Hot Topic Pin

SYRACUSE, NY– After watching justice get dished out on the big screen at Destiny USA’s screening of Wonder Woman on Thursday, local film connoisseur Greg Norton had his own personal brand of justice thrust upon him in the form of a feminist gang attack behind the theater’s parking lot. After rumors surfaced that Norton thought the awe-inspiring film was “just ok”, attackers began to pummel the man with a beat-down the Amazing Amazonian would surely be proud of.

“We knew we had to do something”, said longtime female justice warrior Gert Adams, shortly after grabbing her pastel colored rose pin from Hot Topic and stabbing Greg in the neck, “because if this kind of slander becomes acceptable in today’s society, then we are no better than the vile monsters Ms. Woman was so gracefully defeating in the film.” Adams later mentioned that she began to plan the attack with her fellow sisters around the movie’s thirty-minute mark, when Norton casually remarked that lead actress Gal Gadot was really hot.

Finally, after catching Norton glance at his cell phone multiple times during a critical scene and not even attempt to give a standing ovation, the ladies decided they had seen enough. They began to assail in waves, moving in quickly after group leader Becky Pederson clotheslined Norton once he turned the corner into the parking lot. Norton squealed like a stunned cow before a slaughter, but it was too late to stave off the blows of the angry moviegoers, who ironically seemed to be landing strikes with near superhuman strength.

The police department eventually arrived after receiving word of Norton’s distress, and somewhat reluctantly arrested several of the women who participated in the assault, noting that if their roles were reversed, they probably would have whooped his ass too. Before he meekly limped away to his 1993 Toyota Supra, we were able to catch up with the battered man, who simply said he regretted attending the film, and that he’d better cancel his plans to see Reese Witherspoon’s romantic comedy Home Again before his attackers were released.