2018 is nearly over, and with a new year sometimes comes a new set of resolutions. People love to try new shit that will make them lose weight and their toxins, or whatever, so here’s a list of five snack combinations that will do just that.
Tater Tots & Body Shots
When Edward Von Chuggington discovered this recipe a few years before the discovery of the immune system, doctors and scientists were baffled as to how and why it provided so many benefits--and now, even after years of comprehensive studies on the immune system, they still are. Perhaps it is how the crunchy texture of the tater tots pairs with the combination of tequila and sweat that makes this healthy, HIV preventing meal; but perhaps not. Regardless of the actual science between how it do, it is undeniable that it do do.
Dayquil & Barton Vodka
A Syracuse University favorite, nothing cures the inevitable, unending sickness that comes with a freezing, going-out filled winter like the classic Dayquil and Barton Vodka on a fine Saturday evening. Whether you’re chasing your Dayquil with Barton, or your Barton with Dayquil, everyone knows how hard it is to get both of these things down your slimy throat--but once you finally do, your cold will be cured, your skin will be clear, and doctors will hate you.
Four Cheese Mac and Cheese & Four Loko
It’s hard to find a treatment as beneficial yet cost-effective as the good ol’ Four Cheese Mac and Cheese & Four Loko. Not only does this mix of carbs, dairy, caffeine, and alcohol tickle the taste buds like there’s no tomorrow, but it also has the added benefit of increasing your white blood cell count for the sweet, sweet price of less than $9.99.
Bloody Mary & Blood
Popularized by Lady Gaga in 2011, this beverage pairing is ideal for anyone who wants to give off the embodiment of a fierce queen. Procuring blood can be difficult, but if possible blood from someone stronger than you is suggested for strongest results.
Rum & Scurvy
Live the life of a pirate on this diet who traces her origins to a simpler time. While scurvy may frighten your average sailor of the 21st century, it is crucial to note that vitamin C deficiencies have a direct correlation with a jacked immune system. Additionally, most nutritionists recommend Captain Morgan Rum specifically. Captain Morgan not only pays homage to this regimen’s humble origins, he also maximizes the white blood cells’ ability to recognize and combat pirate viruses.