1. Picking the grime out of my fingernails and sprinkling it onto my food for seasoning.
This is pretty gross but I seriously do this, don’t even act like you do this too.
2. Sneaking into the kitchens of restaurants and licking the excess food off of plates.
There is absolutely NO WAY that you do this so don’t even pretend. Don’t even share this article. You have no idea.
3. Not showering for 2 weeks and then rubbing hand sanitizer all over my dirty spots.
This is disgusting. I even feel gross doing it, but I do it. All the time. I know that you don’t.
4. Spilling condiments on my shirt and sucking them out of the threads.
I don’t care if it’s mustard, ketchup, mayo, or whatever. I do this so I can satisfy my taste buds, AND get the stain right outta my shirt! I’ve never witnessed anybody else do this, so there is absolutely no way that you have. Don’t share this article acting like you have because that would just be lying.
5. Licking the keyboards of computers in public libraries.
I don’t even know why I do this one. I guess it’s just a little quirk I have. And there’s absolutely no fuckin’ way you do this too. Don’t take this from me, okay? This is my thing.
Thanks for reading and please DON’T share unless you want everyone to know you’re a damn liar.