6 Catcalls That Actually Work

Are you self-conscious when you scream at women? Not getting the reaction you think you deserve? It’s not you — it’s probably your catcalls! Here are 6 catcalls that will definitely get the ladies to fall to their knees…begging to be your next girlfriend!

1.  “How you doing?!”

Nothing screams boyfriend material like taking time out of your busy day of drinking beer on your porch to ask a female passerby about her day. Ladies find this display of sensitivity refreshing, and understand you have absolutely no ulterior motives. 

2. “Take off your shirt! I wanna see your tits!”

For modern women, being told what to do and when to do it is like a little vacation from days full of work and responsibilities. It shows that you’re a go-getter with leadership qualities, and your lady will find herself imagining how those traits will one day translate to a career.

3. “Yo, which one of you bitches wants to suck my dick?!”

Works best in groups! This one plays up on girls’ naturally competitive nature. Who will receive the pleasure of your unwashed genitals in her mouth? They’ll fight for it, and if they all stick around, this catcall creates the opportunity for a killer threesome or even an orgy. 

4. “Hey girl, I’d fuck you!”

Ladies love a confident man, and being really straight forward helps bolster their devastatingly low self-esteem. 

5.  “Nice ass, I’m going to plow you in the asshole tonight!” 

Notice how this one gets straight to the point? What a winning combination of a compliment and a specific action. Being upfront is doing this lucky lady a huge (or most likely smaller-average-sized) favor.

6. “Dearest, I respect you as a fellow human being, and see you as an independent, complex person with expectations, hopes, and struggles that I can never hope to understand from a chance encounter on the street.”

Nah, this one’s gay.