Straight Male Finally Comes Out: “Baseball Sucks”

The Gallagher household was shaken this past Tuesday when their eldest son, Brett Gallagher, brought a perfectly fine dinner conversation to a screeching halt by revealing his long-suppressed feelings about the sport of baseball.

His father, Joseph Gallagher, recounted the scene: “It came after the potato salad. He gently placed his silverware down, looked up, and in a choked whisper said, ‘Honestly…baseball kind of sucks.’” Other guests at the dinner table reported that after fifteen seconds of smothering silence, Gallagher cleared his throat and continued, “Mom, Dad, I don’t like baseball. It sucks. And I’m sick of pretending I do.”

His mother, when reached for comment, said, “I don’t where we went wrong. His Bar Mitzvah was baseball themed. His bedspread had baseballs on it. He had The Sandlot on VHS. We were doing all the right things.”

Gallagher claims that he’s always felt this way, even from an early age. “I remember the first time my dad brought me to t-ball practice, and I couldn’t help but think about how boring it was. All of the boys seemed to love it but me. I knew I was different. I tried to cover it up, I tried to get into the Yankees, I even bought a Jeter jersey, but once I reached high school, I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. It was time to step forward and embrace who I really am,” said Gallagher.

Despite Gallagher’s worries that his friends and family would not accept him after revealing his true nature, his ex-JV baseball team stands in solidarity with him. “It doesn’t change the way I see him at all. It’s not like he had a choice…you can’t blame someone for the way they were born,” explains Chad Baker, shortstop. “It’ll take some getting used to, but Brett’s a good guy. I actually have an uncle who thinks baseball sucks too. In this day and age, you just can’t be ignorant about this stuff.”

Gallagher hopes to lead by example and advocate for others like him who are suffering from the same internal conflict.  His goal is to encourage them to be strong, pursue other interests, and know that, “It’s okay to hate baseball, because baseball blows.”