Here’s What Females Actually Get Wrong About So-Called “Mansplaining”

Opinion by Manly F Haus: About the author ~ Manly F. Haus is the pseudonym under which marginalized male voices at Syracuse University can write anonymous opinion editorials without facing backlash or accountability from their peers.

Okay females, this one's for you! I’ve been seeing a lot of online buzz recently about a perceived phenomenon of “mansplaining.” This is actually very ironic, because anyone who claims it exists is actually basically “womansplaining.” Let that sink in.

Although I totally PWNED you females in that first graph (editor talk for paragraph), I am going to really dig deep into the nuance of my argument. I don’t believe anyone is as smart as I am when it comes to this topic because I bring the unique perspective of being a MALE internet user in the era of so-called “mansplaining.” This makes me an expert.

Ladies: I am pursuing a degree in communications. Trust me here. Would I have been able to gain admission to the SI Newhouse School of Public Communications if I was just any white man from the American Northeast? No! I had to demonstrate expertise! So believe me when I say that I have a lot of ground to stand on when I make this argument.

As someone who has been on Twitter, Reddit, 4Chan, and Facebook for a cumulative total of over 30 years, I have the type of ageless wisdom that is lauded in the nation’s most elite circles. There’s not a chance I’m wrong here. Everything I say is fucking brilliant, and this is not an exception. Females, you have to believe me here! Mansplaining doesn’t exist.

Still not convinced, girls? Well, like any good debates-man, I’ve saved my strongest argument for last! It’s a hypothetical situation, so just try to even wrap your brain around this one. I have a minor in philosophy, so keep that in mind. It goes like this: imagine a very smart woman and a very smart man having an intellectual discussion. They are both very smart, and they both bring something to the conversation… Now imagine that hypothetical place and time is HERE and NOW! Women are equal to men. So if mansplaining exists, it’s only because womansplaining existed! Checkmate gals. Until next time ;)

Manly F Haus