Three Strikes And You’re Out: Here’s Why I’m No Longer Welcome In The Eggers Cafe

It’s been a long time coming and it’s finally here - I am no longer welcome in the Eggers Cafe. My various offenses against good taste and the workers of Eggers Cafe have finally caught up with me. There are too many to list, so here are the top three strikes against me in the Eggers Cafe.

1. Arguing with the manager

This one, I can see. I mean, the Mac & Cheese, while it is priced and sold like a soup, could conceivably be considered not a soup. However, I’m not one to go down without a fight, so I brought the manager out to prove my point. Turns out he didn’t have any patience for my shenanigans. Ouch. Strike one.

2. Being Cute

Yes, I have long eyelashes and adorable chubby cheeks. However, this worked to my detriment as I was informed that I could not, in fact, be this cute and remain in Eggers Cafe. I put on my best pout, made my lips come together like a fish, and crossed my arms, and said, “Pwease Mistwah Manyagew, I'm too cute to eat at Schinye, onwy Food Sewvices peopwe and senyiows with five capstonyes eat thewe uwu.” I was thrown out summarily.

3. Throwing a Dayger

As soon as I dropped my carton of Keystone Light in the middle of Eggers Cafe, I knew it would be over for good. Yet, as “Freaky Friday” came on, everyone in Eggers came together in a beautiful moment of solidarity, an unabashed “screw you” to the system, and they all began to beat me up in front of a DPS officer. Then the DPS officer joined in and that right there is why I can never return to the Eggers Cafe.