Strategically planned love was in the air this week when sophomore Brendan Slater casually invited a female classmate to a house party—but only after waiting for the minimum 50 people to RSVP. Fewer than that quota would automatically make the party “lame as hell,” according to Slater.
“Less than fifty means the basement won’t be crowded enough and she won’t wanna make out,” Slater elaborated. “Also, the DJ will probably suck. And the beer. And there won’t be any hot girls there.”
When reminded that he was already trying to court his female classmate, Slater replied, “Oh, right.”
When the time came to seal the deal, Slater resorted to inboxing his lady friend on Facebook because he “didn’t exactly have her number yet.”
Slater has been rejected from twelve different fraternities over two separate rush seasons, but “is totally gonna crush that shit next year.”