A recent advancement in biotechnology caused quite a buzz this week at Syracuse University when juniors Trisha Burns and Ashley Wolfson changed the concept of human efficiency forever. The result of their experiment: the surgical fusion of their individual bodies into one conducive being – or as they are affectionately called, The UniDelt.
Burns and Wolfson, who both hail from Northern New Jersey, are proud sisters of the Delta Delta Delta sorority. Upon beginning their junior year at Syracuse, they realized that they were simply sick of living independent lives. Inspiration struck during one of their Intro to Anatomy lectures.
“We figured that our anatomy professor would be the best person to approach regarding our dissatisfaction,” said Burns and Wolfson. “He was more than willing to help us in achieving our ultimate dream of being literally the same person.”
The Unidelt, who now goes by Trashley, reports that the two have always had a special bond. They take all the same classes, eat all the same meals, have all the same friends, see the same hairdresser at Garbos, and always accompany each other to the restroom. They even get sick on the same days and have been known to finish each other’s sentences.
“We thought, ‘Why not bleed the same blood at this point?” Trashley said. “Sneeze the same mucus? Excrete the same waste?’ To physically merge into a single living entity just made sense, from an efficiency standpoint,”
Wearing the same black vans, black tights, and black American Apparel hoodie every day has always made it hard to tell them apart. But now that problem no longer exists because they are literally the same person.
“And the best part of it is when we miss chapter, we only get one fine,” UniDelt told us proudly in an exclusive interview. “Life is so much easier now.”