10 Things A Senior HAS To Do Before Graduation

Where did the time go? It feels like only yesterday the Class of 2015 was shuffling from Boland-Brewster-Brockway to Euclid in groups of 30, awkwardly trying to make friends. Well, we run this campus now! Here’s a list of 10 things you absolutely have to do before you graduate or these past four years will be a waste of your parents’ money and your quickly diminishing youth. 

  1. Meet your advisor!
  2. Pick up a minor!
  3. Skype your high school girlfriend every week!
  4. Take a picture in front of the Hall of Languages.
  5. Push away all your friends.
  6. Eat alone.
  7. Become addicted to painkillers.
  8. Get caught masturbating in a sorority bathroom.
  9. Stay in on Halloween night with your face pressed against the chilled glass of your window, watching people having fun, tears streaming down your face. Your girlfriend broke up with you three years ago. You’ve been skyping an imaginary person. “Dad was right,” you think, as you wonder why you ever left home in the first place.
  10. Attend a basketball game and sit in the student section. Let’s go orange!