SA Proposes Asian Ban In Lieu Of Smoking Ban

Last night, the Syracuse University Student Association held an open debate on the proposal to ban being Asian on campus.

Supporters of the ban say it would not only lessen the smoking problem, but also end feelings of inadequacy held by many non-Asian students. A former SA official, who retired to spend more time with his calzones, presented a Prezi that showed how the ban would decrease statistics across the board, including smoking, soft giggling, and more importantly, grading curves.

“I just feel as if I can’t measure up academically, you know? I mean aren’t most of them robots?”  said racist junior chemistry major Scott Smith, who also asserted that he’s “totally not racist.”

Another point brought up by Asian-ban supporters was that everyone will seem cuter. In a graph that was devoid of Hello Kitty stickers, the former SA member showed a decrease in polka dots, hats shaped like furry animals, and tiny everything. “Uggs and yoga pants will be seen as adorable yet again!” said one member of the sorority Gamma Delta Upsilon, who also suffers from long-term memory loss.

When it came time for opponents to explain their position, cabinet member Chris Lee took the floor and uttered one sole statement: “You are all horrible people.”

It was agreed by all to be the most productive SA meeting of the semester.